I really do. I miss a lot in my past. Not entirely to say that I regret it, but I do miss a lot. I miss past relationships, I miss old family ways, I miss who I used to be. But I'd like to think that I have become a better person over the time; through ana and all. I think I'm going to start using this blog again, I say that constantly, but I like having a private place to rant. I don't like how bitchy my blog used to be. How I would laugh at people when they ate and I was strong enough to say no. I was a bitch, and I fully admit that. I feel like I might have messed up one of the most important people that I ever had, and I don't know how or why exactly. And that hurts, more than anything. I don't know what I've done to potentially loose this person, but I would do anything in my power to get them back into my life, they mean THAT much to me. And, just in the off chance that they may be reading this, 'D,' you are my best friend, to be honest, you are practically like my sister. Since telling you about ana, I promised to be 100% honest with you, and I have, and will continue to be if you let me. Your friendship means more to me than anyone else's, truly. And if you just give me a chance to explain whatever went wrong, I will be 100% honest, just as I promised.
Anyway, I just got back from a trip to see my oldest brother and his friends, and it was legitimately life changing, and I feel like it might have made me into a better person, at least I hope. Then, as of 30minutes ago, I am now vegan, and fasting as of 12am. I just decided that I wanted to start of my vegan'ism with a fast, haha.
Alright, I'm off to bed I think, got a lazy day of unpacking and relaxing, then a big workout to start shit off. Woo. Hope all goes well.
PIT & PEAK OF THE DAY:
Pit: Leaving from my trip, the only place that has ever felt like home to me.
Peak: Getting a note from the people I was staying with, and a sweet message from my brother. Knowing somebody who knows nearly everything about me (everything besides anorexia) and is STILL proud of me? That makes me so happy. :)
Night xxxxxx
