Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
I hate this disease
So, once again stuck between the world I know is right and the world that is Ana.
My parents confronted me AGAIN today about not eating, and how "thin" and "gaunt" I look, and how spmething must be wrong because I have a sore throat and am sick. I genuinly am sick. My throat hurts like a bitch. And, I've left dishes around the house to give the visual idea that I'm eating, and I ate a lot last night (chocolate and ice cream too, just so I didn't blow my cover) and, because I have a cold, there must be something wrong. I hate living at home sometimes.
The thing that is often misconcieved is that anorexics are depressed. Yeah, I had depression, but that was, (an always will be) a seprate issue to this.
I either eat and make them happy, or starve and make me happy. And I am happier then I have been in a while, as my waistline is shrinking. And that's what they don't understand. If i had a dollar for every time my dad asked me lately f I was being bullied, or if "everything is ok" and "noone is giving me trouble," I would be quite rich right mow. The truth of the mater is, I have never been bullied in my life, i promise.
Ad it's all because one of my friends said that I was being bulled to cover her own ass for a prank, that now my parents think I'm being bullied. For fucks sake.
I was planning to do a 4 and a bit day fast, and not eat until 12pm Saturday (started 8pm Monday) and it is now 8:48pm tuesday. I had coke zero, water and an up and go today, so my first day is completed. And I will definatly go until tomorrow, but. Don't know if I should drag this out for 4 days and worry my parents, or just have the 2 days and worry myself. I just don't know. Well, I know what I want to so, I just don't know what is right for everyone else. So, a big long prayer is needed tonight, to try an sort this out. Because, just as everything was becomming clearer; I'm totally lost again. And I don't know what to doo. What's best for me, or what's best for everyone aroun me. It's truethat sometimes you have to put yourself before others; but where is the line in that? When does it ever become clear? I really want to do this 4 day fast, and I think that I'm going to try and sleep this cold off tonight, go to school tomorrow (packing a big lunch, infront of my mum-to be disposed of of course) and then go tal to my neoghbour about babysitting at about 5pm, and say I fed the kids there. However, that could really backfire on me, if my parents went to go ask, or because I have a sneaking suspicion that mum is going to bring me home a huge calorie loaded meal, to eat for dinner. And I'm scare that they are going to force me to eat meat again, if they figure out that I only stopped eating it becausenof all the fat contents in meat. So much could go wrong, there's not a decision to be made that can not end with someone hurt. And; the other thing? I know I can't "cure" myself of this alone. It does lot work like that. If I decide to please my parents, shits going to hit the fan when I can't control my hatred for myself, and lash out on them, potentially.
Whattodo?whattodo? Wish me luck. I need to sort this out with the Lord, see where he stands. Hmm. Love to all.
My parents confronted me AGAIN today about not eating, and how "thin" and "gaunt" I look, and how spmething must be wrong because I have a sore throat and am sick. I genuinly am sick. My throat hurts like a bitch. And, I've left dishes around the house to give the visual idea that I'm eating, and I ate a lot last night (chocolate and ice cream too, just so I didn't blow my cover) and, because I have a cold, there must be something wrong. I hate living at home sometimes.
The thing that is often misconcieved is that anorexics are depressed. Yeah, I had depression, but that was, (an always will be) a seprate issue to this.
I either eat and make them happy, or starve and make me happy. And I am happier then I have been in a while, as my waistline is shrinking. And that's what they don't understand. If i had a dollar for every time my dad asked me lately f I was being bullied, or if "everything is ok" and "noone is giving me trouble," I would be quite rich right mow. The truth of the mater is, I have never been bullied in my life, i promise.
Ad it's all because one of my friends said that I was being bulled to cover her own ass for a prank, that now my parents think I'm being bullied. For fucks sake.
I was planning to do a 4 and a bit day fast, and not eat until 12pm Saturday (started 8pm Monday) and it is now 8:48pm tuesday. I had coke zero, water and an up and go today, so my first day is completed. And I will definatly go until tomorrow, but. Don't know if I should drag this out for 4 days and worry my parents, or just have the 2 days and worry myself. I just don't know. Well, I know what I want to so, I just don't know what is right for everyone else. So, a big long prayer is needed tonight, to try an sort this out. Because, just as everything was becomming clearer; I'm totally lost again. And I don't know what to doo. What's best for me, or what's best for everyone aroun me. It's truethat sometimes you have to put yourself before others; but where is the line in that? When does it ever become clear? I really want to do this 4 day fast, and I think that I'm going to try and sleep this cold off tonight, go to school tomorrow (packing a big lunch, infront of my mum-to be disposed of of course) and then go tal to my neoghbour about babysitting at about 5pm, and say I fed the kids there. However, that could really backfire on me, if my parents went to go ask, or because I have a sneaking suspicion that mum is going to bring me home a huge calorie loaded meal, to eat for dinner. And I'm scare that they are going to force me to eat meat again, if they figure out that I only stopped eating it becausenof all the fat contents in meat. So much could go wrong, there's not a decision to be made that can not end with someone hurt. And; the other thing? I know I can't "cure" myself of this alone. It does lot work like that. If I decide to please my parents, shits going to hit the fan when I can't control my hatred for myself, and lash out on them, potentially.
Whattodo?whattodo? Wish me luck. I need to sort this out with the Lord, see where he stands. Hmm. Love to all.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Has been a confusing, enlighting, weird, crazy, lazy, boring, weekend - if that makes sense.
Made it to 55kgs, the Lord is good.
And hopefully I'll be there tomorrow, and I'll work so hard to get the last 5kgs off, before I reach my ultimate goal weight.
For so long, I have wanted to be 55kgs, and, with the Lord, he made that happen. He amazes me constantly.
Just 5 more kgs left to go, then I'm as low as I wanted. And when I make it there, I will reevaluate whether to stay there for awhile, or push lower and more beautiful. But, that decision is going to be made over many a prayers, and long nights of thinking and soul searching; so I can't let you know at this moment.
My sisters coming home on saturday, and the goal is to get 2kgs off before then. So; the plan.
Tomorrow;
-Breakfast: 54calorie coffee.
-Lunch: Nothing
-Dinner (before 7:30pm): 1 piece of toast, and soup (with added tabasco sauce to boost the old metabolism :)
Tuesday: LIQUID FAST DAY.
-Breakfast: 54 calorie coffee
-Lunch: Nothing
-Before netball: Up and Go (Like, 160calories or something like that)
-Dinner: Nothing, if I can get away with it.
Wednesday:
-Breakfast: Water (if I'm feeling good enough) or 54calorie coffee)
-Lunch: Nothing
-Dinner: Either cajun vegetables (like, 150calories- if that) OR noodles (approx 305calories)
Thursday:
-Breakfast: Coffee
-Lunch: Nothing
-Dinner: Vegetarian sausages and frozen vegetables (with tabasco sauce)
Friday: 40HR LIQUID FAST
-Breakfast: Preferably water, or coffee.
-Lunch: Nothing
-Dinner: Nothing. Can have another coffee or cup of tea sometime during the day though. Try to get coke zero, that would be such a winner!
Saturday:
-Nothing until 12pm
-Lunch: At 12pm, allowed porridge with brown sugar and some sort of reward IF achieved goal weight, (53/52kgs)
-Dinner: Might be babysitting, if so, nothing- fasting until Sunday night.
Thats the plan - will work out the hours of sat-sun fast later, if I am infact babysitting.
Might go out Friday night. Ana makes me really unsociable; but might go to the movies or something? Hmm, that'd be cool. Movies where I can get a coke zero and no food; but can act like I've eaten? Sweet, like that plan. Lets see where that one goes ;)
Haha, well I'll talk tomorrow;
Night bloggerworld. To the Lord; my Savior, my Hero, my Inspiration & my Life. <3
God Bless
Made it to 55kgs, the Lord is good.
And hopefully I'll be there tomorrow, and I'll work so hard to get the last 5kgs off, before I reach my ultimate goal weight.
For so long, I have wanted to be 55kgs, and, with the Lord, he made that happen. He amazes me constantly.
Just 5 more kgs left to go, then I'm as low as I wanted. And when I make it there, I will reevaluate whether to stay there for awhile, or push lower and more beautiful. But, that decision is going to be made over many a prayers, and long nights of thinking and soul searching; so I can't let you know at this moment.
My sisters coming home on saturday, and the goal is to get 2kgs off before then. So; the plan.
Tomorrow;
-Breakfast: 54calorie coffee.
-Lunch: Nothing
-Dinner (before 7:30pm): 1 piece of toast, and soup (with added tabasco sauce to boost the old metabolism :)
Tuesday: LIQUID FAST DAY.
-Breakfast: 54 calorie coffee
-Lunch: Nothing
-Before netball: Up and Go (Like, 160calories or something like that)
-Dinner: Nothing, if I can get away with it.
Wednesday:
-Breakfast: Water (if I'm feeling good enough) or 54calorie coffee)
-Lunch: Nothing
-Dinner: Either cajun vegetables (like, 150calories- if that) OR noodles (approx 305calories)
Thursday:
-Breakfast: Coffee
-Lunch: Nothing
-Dinner: Vegetarian sausages and frozen vegetables (with tabasco sauce)
Friday: 40HR LIQUID FAST
-Breakfast: Preferably water, or coffee.
-Lunch: Nothing
-Dinner: Nothing. Can have another coffee or cup of tea sometime during the day though. Try to get coke zero, that would be such a winner!
Saturday:
-Nothing until 12pm
-Lunch: At 12pm, allowed porridge with brown sugar and some sort of reward IF achieved goal weight, (53/52kgs)
-Dinner: Might be babysitting, if so, nothing- fasting until Sunday night.
Thats the plan - will work out the hours of sat-sun fast later, if I am infact babysitting.
Might go out Friday night. Ana makes me really unsociable; but might go to the movies or something? Hmm, that'd be cool. Movies where I can get a coke zero and no food; but can act like I've eaten? Sweet, like that plan. Lets see where that one goes ;)
Haha, well I'll talk tomorrow;
Night bloggerworld. To the Lord; my Savior, my Hero, my Inspiration & my Life. <3
God Bless
Friday, June 11, 2010
Well, Hello there.
I don't want to jinx things, but I seem to be getting better at this whole; blogging every day thing.
So, I am liquid fasting today, 19 hours to go.
Everything went as planned today, had my coffee, and was going to have vita fresh juice instead of my up and go tomorrow, because I thought it was lower calorie, but i couldn't figure out what one serving was, and so i had a couple of sips before throwing it out. To counter balance that, I need to tip out some of my up and go tomorrow, so that my calorie balance doesn't go overboard.
Met the kids that I might be babysitting, this after noon. Such a nice family. Honest. I realllly hope I get the job. Good way to keep distracted from eating, good bit of excersize, and also, great way to help people. I want to do well atthis, their so nice, and they totally deserve a break.
Sooo, this fast was for me, the Lord, and control.
I want to see how i control myself after the 40hrs are up. Like, I'll either stick to having my porridge, and (depending on my morning weight) a couple of buiscets as a reward. And, thats the limit before netball.
After netball, depending on my plans for tomorrow night, I can have either vegetarian sausages and frozen veges, or salad. I'm leaning towards salad, haha. I'll have the sausages when I'm forced to eat. Hopefully I'm staying home tomorrow night, beccuase I don't want to put on weight. And I have 8 days to get to 53kgs.
WIll post how tomorrow goes; I'm hoping I will not have to post a post of faliure, hopefully its something that I can be proud of. That would be a first in the history of my saturdays.
I want this weekend to be the one where i don't gain weight. A weekend of discapline. A weekend of control. A weekend of shining. Lets see how it goes, shall we..? Wish me luck alll
So, I am liquid fasting today, 19 hours to go.
Everything went as planned today, had my coffee, and was going to have vita fresh juice instead of my up and go tomorrow, because I thought it was lower calorie, but i couldn't figure out what one serving was, and so i had a couple of sips before throwing it out. To counter balance that, I need to tip out some of my up and go tomorrow, so that my calorie balance doesn't go overboard.
Met the kids that I might be babysitting, this after noon. Such a nice family. Honest. I realllly hope I get the job. Good way to keep distracted from eating, good bit of excersize, and also, great way to help people. I want to do well atthis, their so nice, and they totally deserve a break.
Sooo, this fast was for me, the Lord, and control.
I want to see how i control myself after the 40hrs are up. Like, I'll either stick to having my porridge, and (depending on my morning weight) a couple of buiscets as a reward. And, thats the limit before netball.
After netball, depending on my plans for tomorrow night, I can have either vegetarian sausages and frozen veges, or salad. I'm leaning towards salad, haha. I'll have the sausages when I'm forced to eat. Hopefully I'm staying home tomorrow night, beccuase I don't want to put on weight. And I have 8 days to get to 53kgs.
WIll post how tomorrow goes; I'm hoping I will not have to post a post of faliure, hopefully its something that I can be proud of. That would be a first in the history of my saturdays.
I want this weekend to be the one where i don't gain weight. A weekend of discapline. A weekend of control. A weekend of shining. Lets see how it goes, shall we..? Wish me luck alll
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Hey Ya'llllllll ;D
So another day down, another day sticking with the plan.
Had my 54 calorie coffee this morning, no lunch, nothing until dinner, where I had 2 vegetarian sausages (don't know exactly how many calories, but, from research, no more than 300) and half a thing of pita bread (about 200calories) and steamed vegetables, to which i added tobasco sauce (not very many calories at all really.) then, I had two buiscuits, simply because deprivation now will lead to binging later. Because of the time dad wanted to have dinner, my fast is running an hour late (will be from 8pm until 12pmsaturday) which makes it.. exactly 40hours, hahaa. So, thats half an hour shorter then it was meant to be (yeah in my other post i realize that i said it was a 38 hour fast, guess my calculation there was wrong lol)
but, 40 hours is good, and, if I can stick to that, I will be stoked. And, I WILL stick to that. I vow it to you know. I will make it. Until 12pm saturday.
Tomorrow I'm allowed my 54calorie coffee in the morning, and then, if needed, a tea (without milk). Then, saturday, hopefully I don't have to go to work, so I can sleep in. Either way, i can have one thing of porridge, and an up&go to break the fast. (If need be, I can have the up and go earlier, thats just my weekend limit.)
Was down to 55.5kgs today, which i'm impressed with. Hopefully I don't go overboard this weekend. I'm supposed to be going to a friends house for drinks on saturday, but I've found some semi low calorie drinks (like,175 per drink) and as long as the rest of my weekend is good, then I should remain, or loose (fingers crossed) over the weekend.
Gosh, I hate how this disease fucks with your social life. I hate lieing to people and not going out to dinner, or not going out to drinks, or not going to there house, because I'm in the middle of a fast, or just too afraid to eat. I hate that, but then, it will be worth it when I'm thin. And, soon, i will find ways to not eat, but still go out, since the old 'i've just eaten' never really works for me anymore :/
Well, I'm off. Going to visit the house that I might be babysitting tomorrow, hope i get the job. Excersizing and playing with kids, whilst feeling to guilty to feed my face. Great. And, a good way to tell my parents I already ate ;) things are looking good.
Post tomorrow when the hunger pangs set in, but I'm not breaking this fast, I'm very very determiind, to tell you the truth. Although its not long, by any stretch of the imagination, it is about as long as i can go for now, whilst keeping on radiating the illusion that I'm eating.
Oh, & I've been doing a lot of fake eating lately, like this morning i got a HEAP of (raw) pasta, and put it into a bowl with HEAPS of cheese and pasta sauce, and put it in the micowave to melt the cheese. Then, down the waste disposal all of it goes. Same with half a packet of biscuits and some mini pieces of cheesecake. I hate wasteing food, but, better 'wasted' then 'waisted.' And im going to make it up to my parents and stuff, got a jar of money (currently over $100) which I'm going to spend on presents for the family, and on charity. Was going to use it on a car, but this is so much more morally important. Got to give back to those who've given so much (even if some of it; ie food; ws unwilllingly) hhahah
ok, NOW i'm off.
Love to ana and the Lord, my Savior. This fast is for You, for giving me strength, hope, and for staying with me when I thought no one else would. Lord, this is for You. <3
Had my 54 calorie coffee this morning, no lunch, nothing until dinner, where I had 2 vegetarian sausages (don't know exactly how many calories, but, from research, no more than 300) and half a thing of pita bread (about 200calories) and steamed vegetables, to which i added tobasco sauce (not very many calories at all really.) then, I had two buiscuits, simply because deprivation now will lead to binging later. Because of the time dad wanted to have dinner, my fast is running an hour late (will be from 8pm until 12pmsaturday) which makes it.. exactly 40hours, hahaa. So, thats half an hour shorter then it was meant to be (yeah in my other post i realize that i said it was a 38 hour fast, guess my calculation there was wrong lol)
but, 40 hours is good, and, if I can stick to that, I will be stoked. And, I WILL stick to that. I vow it to you know. I will make it. Until 12pm saturday.
Tomorrow I'm allowed my 54calorie coffee in the morning, and then, if needed, a tea (without milk). Then, saturday, hopefully I don't have to go to work, so I can sleep in. Either way, i can have one thing of porridge, and an up&go to break the fast. (If need be, I can have the up and go earlier, thats just my weekend limit.)
Was down to 55.5kgs today, which i'm impressed with. Hopefully I don't go overboard this weekend. I'm supposed to be going to a friends house for drinks on saturday, but I've found some semi low calorie drinks (like,175 per drink) and as long as the rest of my weekend is good, then I should remain, or loose (fingers crossed) over the weekend.
Gosh, I hate how this disease fucks with your social life. I hate lieing to people and not going out to dinner, or not going out to drinks, or not going to there house, because I'm in the middle of a fast, or just too afraid to eat. I hate that, but then, it will be worth it when I'm thin. And, soon, i will find ways to not eat, but still go out, since the old 'i've just eaten' never really works for me anymore :/
Well, I'm off. Going to visit the house that I might be babysitting tomorrow, hope i get the job. Excersizing and playing with kids, whilst feeling to guilty to feed my face. Great. And, a good way to tell my parents I already ate ;) things are looking good.
Post tomorrow when the hunger pangs set in, but I'm not breaking this fast, I'm very very determiind, to tell you the truth. Although its not long, by any stretch of the imagination, it is about as long as i can go for now, whilst keeping on radiating the illusion that I'm eating.
Oh, & I've been doing a lot of fake eating lately, like this morning i got a HEAP of (raw) pasta, and put it into a bowl with HEAPS of cheese and pasta sauce, and put it in the micowave to melt the cheese. Then, down the waste disposal all of it goes. Same with half a packet of biscuits and some mini pieces of cheesecake. I hate wasteing food, but, better 'wasted' then 'waisted.' And im going to make it up to my parents and stuff, got a jar of money (currently over $100) which I'm going to spend on presents for the family, and on charity. Was going to use it on a car, but this is so much more morally important. Got to give back to those who've given so much (even if some of it; ie food; ws unwilllingly) hhahah
ok, NOW i'm off.
Love to ana and the Lord, my Savior. This fast is for You, for giving me strength, hope, and for staying with me when I thought no one else would. Lord, this is for You. <3
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Haha, whoops.
That last post was a bit of a fail wasn't it..? Guess thats what you get when you try to post photos off of your ipod. ^__^
Well, today went pretty much to plan. Did my water fast, 24hr, and was going to have soup for dinner. But, you know how I told you how concerned my parents (mum especially) is about my lack of eating? Yeah, well she wouldn't let me have just soup.
She was trying to get me to have soup AND salad AND veges AND pasta. Now, I love you Mum, but HELL NO.
So, i managed to get away with her making me a salad, and eating three pieces of brocolli. And I manaaged to take off most of the cheese she put on my salad, and had only a drop of salad dressing, and then faking full, saying how much I'd had to eat today.
I HATE lieing to my parents, and sometimes, I just wish that they'd understand. Understand that I do not want to kill myself, I just want to be thin. That when I eat, I am so unhappy and depressed, and I feel so free and alive when I'm starving, when my stomachs empty. I feel pure, happy and relieved of my gluttony sins.
OHOH, i also got a part time job baby sitting these kids in my street, and I will feel so guilty about eating there, that I most likely won't, so its a good way to stay active and not eat :)
Woke up without a loss this morning, bit of a gain really. Hard to tell when your scales aren't electronic. But, that was to be expected after my binge yesterday, so I wasn't too suprised, and turned that sadness into passion to work harder today :)
And so, here I am. I was having a bit of ann internal battle before, trying not to reach for a couple of buiscets or a small cheesecake for reward. Then, I bargined saying if I didn't have that, then I could have a tea. But, I managed to talk myself out of both of them, which I am pretty fucking stooked about really :D
So, the plan for tomorrow is my 54calroie coffee in the morning, then put dishes and stuff around the house to look as though I have eaten, and then either have soup and toast (soup;41 calories, toast.?) or vegetarian sausages and frozen vegetables (sausages are slightly higher in calories, but would be better at putting on the act of eating, before gearing up for my (awkward) 38hour fast.
Gosh, I need a name for it. 38hr fast just sounds so retarded.
Hm, will think about that one. My water fast was a 'Fast for the Lord and Me' signifing that I was fasting for Him, to show my apologies for my sins and binging so much last week, and for me to realise how strong that I can be.
So, I need a good name for this one; but, I'll find one.
Off to go play some computer games or SOMETHING before bed, to stop me consuming any moer calories. Hmm, might even get some study done. HAHAH Thats a novel concept.
For now, goodbyyye <3
Will talk tomorowoowowowo (yo) Right, this hungers got to me (LOVES IT) :L Kbye now
Well, today went pretty much to plan. Did my water fast, 24hr, and was going to have soup for dinner. But, you know how I told you how concerned my parents (mum especially) is about my lack of eating? Yeah, well she wouldn't let me have just soup.
She was trying to get me to have soup AND salad AND veges AND pasta. Now, I love you Mum, but HELL NO.
So, i managed to get away with her making me a salad, and eating three pieces of brocolli. And I manaaged to take off most of the cheese she put on my salad, and had only a drop of salad dressing, and then faking full, saying how much I'd had to eat today.
I HATE lieing to my parents, and sometimes, I just wish that they'd understand. Understand that I do not want to kill myself, I just want to be thin. That when I eat, I am so unhappy and depressed, and I feel so free and alive when I'm starving, when my stomachs empty. I feel pure, happy and relieved of my gluttony sins.
OHOH, i also got a part time job baby sitting these kids in my street, and I will feel so guilty about eating there, that I most likely won't, so its a good way to stay active and not eat :)
Woke up without a loss this morning, bit of a gain really. Hard to tell when your scales aren't electronic. But, that was to be expected after my binge yesterday, so I wasn't too suprised, and turned that sadness into passion to work harder today :)
And so, here I am. I was having a bit of ann internal battle before, trying not to reach for a couple of buiscets or a small cheesecake for reward. Then, I bargined saying if I didn't have that, then I could have a tea. But, I managed to talk myself out of both of them, which I am pretty fucking stooked about really :D
So, the plan for tomorrow is my 54calroie coffee in the morning, then put dishes and stuff around the house to look as though I have eaten, and then either have soup and toast (soup;41 calories, toast.?) or vegetarian sausages and frozen vegetables (sausages are slightly higher in calories, but would be better at putting on the act of eating, before gearing up for my (awkward) 38hour fast.
Gosh, I need a name for it. 38hr fast just sounds so retarded.
Hm, will think about that one. My water fast was a 'Fast for the Lord and Me' signifing that I was fasting for Him, to show my apologies for my sins and binging so much last week, and for me to realise how strong that I can be.
So, I need a good name for this one; but, I'll find one.
Off to go play some computer games or SOMETHING before bed, to stop me consuming any moer calories. Hmm, might even get some study done. HAHAH Thats a novel concept.
For now, goodbyyye <3
Will talk tomorowoowowowo (yo) Right, this hungers got to me (LOVES IT) :L Kbye now
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Hmm
Well, this is either going to come up with a bunch of Nicole Richie thinspiration pics, or a whole bunch of random letters, I dunno which.
I guess that's what you get posting off an iPod touch :D lol. Well, I hope it was the pics that came up. Nicole richie is my ultimate idol, and thinspo, I love her. And I'm more determine now then ever, to do this, beat the binging and just get back to Ana my love <3 tomorrow I will show my love with a water fast, and I can feelthe high already. Eeeep! :D
well, I'm off now, in order to stay on track, I'm planning to post more often, so talk tomorrow yar? Loveyou ana and my Lord. Thankyou for being with me every step of the way <3
Everything in moderation...
HAHA yeah right. If I eat anything, I'll eat everything. So, I eat nothing.
Which is the story for tomorrow after such a fail day today.
24hour waterfast, and blast on the cross trainer tomorrow. Lately on the cross trainer I have been doing a high, more calorie burning programme. But that will only give me tree trunks where my legs should be. So, instead I;m worrying less about calories, more about working up a sweat and getting my legs thinner, on longer, lower programmes.
GRR. Was just reading this other blog, trying to find some more thinspo (which, if I might add, was such a fail- the only good pro ana blog i have ever found is 'Ana regzing's dieing to be thin' which I have read and re-read more times imaginable, haha.) and anyway, on this chicks blog, she was talking about how she is an 'aspiring anorexic' and 'can't let ana completly run her life' and shit. ZOMG. If theres one thing that really pisses sme off, its wannarexics. Like, people who want to be anorexic, and obviously don't understand the seriousness of this disease. If I havent't said this before, this is NOT the life i would choose for myself; but its out of my hands. And I would not want anybody to have this lifestyle, let alone WILLINGLY. Like, what the fuck? Pisses me off to the max, that someone would take something so seriously, so lightly, and actually aspire to get this disease. GRGGRGR.
K, my little rage is over, haha. Sorry.
Well, I'm on a fast to loose 7kgs by Sunday the 20th (when my sister gets back from college for two weeks.) That means that, in the great scheme of things, i need to get my ass into gear, to loose 7kgs (to be 53kgs) in 12days. Doable, if i put my mind to it, work hard and pray hard. :)
So, it sounds like time to make me a plaaaaan :D
Wednesday 9thWater fasting until 7:30pm (24hr)
THEN; small dinner on Wednesday, of 41calorie soup and toast
Thursday 10th 54 calorie coffee in the morning
THEN; small dinner (finish eating at 7:30pm) to set up for the next fast.
From 7:30pm Thursday -> 7:30pm Friday, liquid fast, allowed 54 calorie coffee on Friday morning, then no food. If staying in Friday night, no food or liquid calories, only water, until 12pm Saturday before netball (making it into a 38hour fast.) Although this is an awkward number of hours to fast, its the most that I can fast, before I have to eat a little something for netball, so I don't really have much of a choice.
HOWEVER; slight problem, might be going out for drinks on Friday night, but then if i am, i can keep to lliquids (hopefully) and steer clear of many drinks, with the excuse that I have netball tomorrow. I think the drinks i have are 220ish calories ( cant remmebr off the top of my head) but If i limit myself to two drinks, + my 54calorie coffee, then i shouldn't have to many calories.
SOOO thats my plan for the rest of the week, will let ya know how it goes;
7kgs in 12days. Sounds do able.. right?
Which is the story for tomorrow after such a fail day today.
24hour waterfast, and blast on the cross trainer tomorrow. Lately on the cross trainer I have been doing a high, more calorie burning programme. But that will only give me tree trunks where my legs should be. So, instead I;m worrying less about calories, more about working up a sweat and getting my legs thinner, on longer, lower programmes.
GRR. Was just reading this other blog, trying to find some more thinspo (which, if I might add, was such a fail- the only good pro ana blog i have ever found is 'Ana regzing's dieing to be thin' which I have read and re-read more times imaginable, haha.) and anyway, on this chicks blog, she was talking about how she is an 'aspiring anorexic' and 'can't let ana completly run her life' and shit. ZOMG. If theres one thing that really pisses sme off, its wannarexics. Like, people who want to be anorexic, and obviously don't understand the seriousness of this disease. If I havent't said this before, this is NOT the life i would choose for myself; but its out of my hands. And I would not want anybody to have this lifestyle, let alone WILLINGLY. Like, what the fuck? Pisses me off to the max, that someone would take something so seriously, so lightly, and actually aspire to get this disease. GRGGRGR.
K, my little rage is over, haha. Sorry.
Well, I'm on a fast to loose 7kgs by Sunday the 20th (when my sister gets back from college for two weeks.) That means that, in the great scheme of things, i need to get my ass into gear, to loose 7kgs (to be 53kgs) in 12days. Doable, if i put my mind to it, work hard and pray hard. :)
So, it sounds like time to make me a plaaaaan :D
Wednesday 9thWater fasting until 7:30pm (24hr)
THEN; small dinner on Wednesday, of 41calorie soup and toast
Thursday 10th 54 calorie coffee in the morning
THEN; small dinner (finish eating at 7:30pm) to set up for the next fast.
From 7:30pm Thursday -> 7:30pm Friday, liquid fast, allowed 54 calorie coffee on Friday morning, then no food. If staying in Friday night, no food or liquid calories, only water, until 12pm Saturday before netball (making it into a 38hour fast.) Although this is an awkward number of hours to fast, its the most that I can fast, before I have to eat a little something for netball, so I don't really have much of a choice.
HOWEVER; slight problem, might be going out for drinks on Friday night, but then if i am, i can keep to lliquids (hopefully) and steer clear of many drinks, with the excuse that I have netball tomorrow. I think the drinks i have are 220ish calories ( cant remmebr off the top of my head) but If i limit myself to two drinks, + my 54calorie coffee, then i shouldn't have to many calories.
SOOO thats my plan for the rest of the week, will let ya know how it goes;
7kgs in 12days. Sounds do able.. right?
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