omg

Why is my brain so fucked up to believe that I should actually be eating? Im such a fat shit and i hate it.
Why do i think that eating is acceptable in the least? I think im just crazy, thats it,

Ana, please help me. I need your guidence and strength to keep my head together and stop myself from binging. Please anaa, help me.

I hate being fat, and i hate being me.

Aaaaah :)

That empty feeling again. man, got to love it :)
Although, I confess that i had 2 hot cross buns and a spinich and feta muffin today so far. But I know that I couldnt have gotten through today at work if I didn't eat anything, as i planned to do.
Dad is thinking of buying a cross trainer. Im so excited, I just have to figure out how to talk his mind into it completly. How perfect would that be? Every moment I was home, and not studying, I could be on it, excersizing. Thats intensly perfect.
So, I have to be reaaaaaaally good, and try and talk him into it 100%.
Wish me luck :D

xoxoxo

Omg

K, so i've been really bad lately. I just lost my inspiration and what was important to me.
I let something I wanted right at that moment, for what I've wanted for as long as i can remember - to be skinny.
Ive been so depressed lately, so I hate ridulous amounts of foods. And then it hit me. The reason i was depressed was because i had been eating.
having a barbecue tonight, then have a hard days work tomorrow, which is good. Going to fast tomorrow, so excited to feel that empty feeling ive missed so much.

Im desperatly lucky that the good Lord has helped me through this, like He always does. Hopefully I haven't put on more then 2kgs in the past couple of days, which I can get off easily, especially once school starts again this week. I'm actually excited for it, simply because its easy to avoid food all day, without questions and aqusatioins. Also, its alot of excersize, which is always a major plus.

Well, everyones arriving now, so i better go. SInce this is with my family, and my close friend "n's" family, their is no way to avoid eating or drinking without being questioned. So i will have to eat tonight, before my fast tomorrow.

Ana, please forgive me, for I have eaten too much the past few days. Please help me through this, and come off better, and thinner on the other side :)

Think Thin xoxoxo

Quick note

I just love the feeling of 'hunger,' after you fasted for awhile, and that high makes you feel so strong, and you feel as though you never ever want to eat ever again. That feeling where you can walk into the kitchen, open the fridge and look at all the food, and know your strong enough to say no.
Yup, thats what I feel right now. I never want this feeling to go awaaay

More Nicole Richie thinspiration :) I think shes amazing. :D

Sometimes, its really good to be a girl.

So, todays been another day of no eating, which is great.
Especially after last night. Had a queche and salad for dinner, which was fine, then had an ice cream and three little chocolates. Yesterdays liquid fast was meant to be the one that got me under 65kgs, but I woke up and weighed myself, 65kgs on the dot. Fuck.
Not that that was much of a suprise.

So, started another liquid fast today, so far only had a coffee, half a hot chocolate and my water.
Convinced everyone at home that I have bad period pains and feel really sick, so got out of eating all day so far, hopefully can get out of dinner tonight too.
I feel like such a fat cow after eating last night. I hate eating, but I can't help myself sometimes. Dammit.

Calorie intake:
Coffee: 80calories <- omgomgomg barely any calories :)
Hot chocolate: about 120calories *gag* I only had about half, so about 60 calories
Water: 0calories *yayayayay*
Coke Zero: 0calories

Total intake: 120 calories. All liquid, but fuck man. That bloddy hot chocolate, even if i only had half, was fucking insane.

Rage at thaaat. Fucksake. I HATE BEING FAT.

If I'm not under 65kgs tomorrow, I'm not going to have ANY calories tomorrow. NONE. Only water and a coke zero if I need caffanation.

Horaay for Thinspiration

If you aren’t thin, you’re ugly.
Being thin is way more important than being healthy.
You must do anything to make yourself look thinner.
You shall not eat without feeling guilty.
You shall not eat fattening foods without punishing yourself accordingly.
You shall always count calories.
The scale is everything.
Losing=Life, Gaining=Death

:/

All I have to say is:
I hate this fucking disease.
If their is anybody reading this;
Try and get out whilst you can.

Wohooooo :)

K so, I finished the 24hour liquid fast, easy aaas. Going to go for abit longer, maybe 4/5 more hours. Simply because I don't trust myself not to binge.
The plan is, that this liquid fast gets me under 65kgs, liquid fast tomorrow too, have an eating day wednesday, fast Thursday and as much of Friday as possible. Before another barbeque/party on Saturday night (fuck!)

And hopefully, as I'm working most of the week, I shall be under 60kgs by Wednesday next week, the start of school. :/

So happy with the way today has gone so far. Only had about 2L of water, half a hot chocolate and a can of coke zero. I had to buy a sandwhich for lunch, to stop people complaining that i never eat, but I resisted that easy as, and will either save it for an eating day, or throw it out.
Stomach is growling, fuckyou stomach, what do you know? Hahahah makes me laaaugh.
Stupid stomach.

I'm off to do some crunches to stop this bloody stomach rumbling, decided to definatly keep this fast going until at least 7. Yay for this empty feeling. I love it.

Thinner's the winner :)

Woke up this morning, about half a kg heavier, which really sucks, but looking at what I binged on yesterday, I was Blessed not to put on more. :)
So, today was meant to be a fasting day. And for much of the day, it was.
However, like I said in a previous post, weekends suck.
Went to a friends house for a barbeque today. Bless their hearts, honestly. Possibly the nicest people ever. As it turns out, also incredibly good cooks. I spent most of my time socialising and unfortunatly eating too much food*gag*

But, a 24 hour fast is on the cards for tonight/tomorrow. And I'm so excited to feel that empty feeling again. I can't waaaait man. If anyones reading this, you keen to join me in this fast?
I truly cannot wait :D
And i have work tomorrow, which means lots of excersize and easy ways to say 'no' to food. Faaaaantastic :D

Well, I'm off to have a shower and do some situps, say my Prayers and go to bed.
-Wishing anyone joining me in this fast, the very best of luck :)
Night all xoxoxo

ultimate thinspiration :)

Nicole Richie - the ultimate thinspiration man. She made an astounding transformation, and i think she is absolutly beautiful!

Think thin :D xoxox

Right then.

Fuck this. After a week of being plateaued at 65kgs, I go and binge like a motherfucker yesterday, and put on two more kg's. Great. So much for being plateaued. :/ Hmph.

So, time to get my a into g again, and stop binging and then feeling so terrible about it.
Starting a fast tonight from 9pm, just a little one this time, to try and get those 2kgs off again, and then we'll see where to go from there I guess.

Man, I hate weekends sosososo much man. When your out with friends, its so much harder to control yourself and resist eating, whilst keeping up your appearence of being healthy.
I'll be so glad when Monday rolls in again, and I'm back at work, with little food temptations, and a shit load of excersize. And then school, which is kinda the same thing. :)

I can't tell what I'm looking for in even posting this blog. I have no idea.
All I know is, that I only seem to be happy when that damn number on the scales is going down.

Is anybody actually reading this? If you are, please leave me a comment or something :/ it always makes it easier knowing you are not alone....
xoxoxo

First post :)

Wow, first post. How exciting. :D
I'm still not to sure why I'm writing this, I'm pretty sure noone wants to read this shit.
This is just me, in the attempt to fufill my quest of becoming thinner.

Oh, and before I get to far in;
*disclaimer. I do not encourage or promote eating disorders. I am simply writing this to have somewhere where I can write all my shit, staying annomyous. And if anyone else comes across this blog and reads it? Wow, cool. Like I said, I don't encourage anorexia in any way. But if someone reads this, and I inspire them or give them hope or something? Cool :)

Eating disorders are serious buisness, and I would never wish this shit upon anyone. It is nothing to be wished for, and not some easy ass diet. It is a disease and if you want it? Trust me, you don't. Count your blessings and go get yourself some cake.

If you don't approve of what I say or do, then thats fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but I don't the haters that come on blogs like this and insult people with this disorder. Its not something that can simply go away by some nasty comments.
Also, if you have been diagnosed with an eating disoder and are in recovery, do yourself a favor and close off this page right now. I know what your going through, and I wish you the very best in your recovery

That being said, if you are reading this, thankyou.
I guess thats enough about me now, and I'll post later tonight.

Byye xoxoxo