Well I can safety say that that was the most awkward night of my life.

Hahahahahahhahahaha I want to cry of awkwardness.

Cockblocked by a police, it was definitely a night of firsts for me. Including losing my virginity. I got what I wanted from him, he got what he thought he wanted from me, and now its all done and dusted. Over for good. I feel awkward and embarrassed but whats over is over and shit like that.

I'm fighting the urge to not eat right now. I want to get out of the house but I have nowhere to go.
My best friend is mad because I got back with my ex (albeit briefly)
I'm not going to text/facebook my ex after the awkwardness that was last night.
Everyone is working.

I need to get out of the house omg. The sadness of having no life.

Decision making time:

Reasons to do this:

1. I like you.
2. I want you to like me.
3. I'm 18 years old and I think its time.
4. You were my first everything else.
5. I'm sick of being the only one who hasn't done it everywhere I go.

Reasons not too:
1. I don't want you to see my body. (although it is night time.)
2. I don't want to disappoint you.
3. I'm so embarrassed.
4. I'm awkward as fuck.
5. I'm so scared that you'll leave me after this. (but I'm scared you'll leave me if I don't, anyway.)

Okay okay okay. I'm going to do it. I have the biggest butterflies and this is a really fucking stupid thing to do, but at the end of the day, I like you, and I'm sick of being the only v out of every body that I know.

P.S, I'm sorry I've been neglecting this blog so much lately. i'll report tomorrow about what happens tonight and what has been going on lately. Hope everyone is doing well. <3