Fasting from 6pm tonight (Monday) (it is now 7:29pm)
Fast is going until 6am Thursday morning.
Tuesday:
0 calories
Wednesday:
115 liquid calories (45 calorie hot chocolate, 70 calorie soup.)
Thursday:
1 piece wholemeal toast, two apples, 1 cup yougurt
Friday:
0 calories, or calories through alcohol only
Saturday:
Same as Friday
Sunday:
400-600 solid calories.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Sorry I've gone for a while, been busy doing pointless shit and thinking about things (which, by the way, has gotten me no where.)
I've had to switch scales from my digital one to an dial one, but my weight seems to be down, which is good.
I think I'm fasting right now, but if I want to eat, I am allowing myself yogurt, apples, and whole meal toast. And soup.
Not in a good place right now, I really just want to revisit the knives and reopen my cuts, but here's hoping that I won't. Got at least 10kg to lose before Christmas. I want to be somewhere close to 50kg when my family come over to celebrate Christmas. I was meant to be working tomorrow but the schedule fucked up so won't be working until early afternoon/early evening. Will post later with my meal plan for the week.
So unenthusiastic right now.
*sound of a balloon deflating*
I've had to switch scales from my digital one to an dial one, but my weight seems to be down, which is good.
I think I'm fasting right now, but if I want to eat, I am allowing myself yogurt, apples, and whole meal toast. And soup.
Not in a good place right now, I really just want to revisit the knives and reopen my cuts, but here's hoping that I won't. Got at least 10kg to lose before Christmas. I want to be somewhere close to 50kg when my family come over to celebrate Christmas. I was meant to be working tomorrow but the schedule fucked up so won't be working until early afternoon/early evening. Will post later with my meal plan for the week.
So unenthusiastic right now.
*sound of a balloon deflating*
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Weighed 67.6kg this morning, wasn't too upset, it's been higher lately. Had 3/4cup nutri grain, two pieces of toast and a hot chocolate this morning. Had one hot chocolate since then. Hopefully mum comes back with some soup tonight (although I do doubt it.)I'm about to have a weak moment, I'm feeling pretty hungry right now. But I just had a shower and then weighed myself, and I'm 66.4kg right now. I'll be really upset if I eat tonight. If I can't get through this fast, I'll be really upset. The last true fast that I did was a four day fast quite a while back. Every time I try to fast, I always end up breaking. Such a fucking weak bitch. Well, clearly. I mean, look at me.
Exam went okay today. I don't even know. I can't wait until it's all over. Unfortunately, however, I have three more exams to go before that time. Meh.
Exam went okay today. I don't even know. I can't wait until it's all over. Unfortunately, however, I have three more exams to go before that time. Meh.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Bleugh.
Had two and a half soups this afternoon for a pick-me-up. Didn't work, feel shit. Tag 200 calories on to today. I'm kinda hungry now still though, not sure why, but whatever, I'll take it.
Fucked off at my brother, talking out of his ass as usual. Saying how disappointed my parents are in me and things like that. I don't even care if its true. I just care that he accused me of "creating my own problems," when I spend every day for the last five and a half years cutting myself and willing to cut deep enough to end it all. And he doesn't even know. No one caught on until I chose to tell them. Remind me again why I wasn't good at drama?
Thank God I'm outta here next year.
Fucked off at my brother, talking out of his ass as usual. Saying how disappointed my parents are in me and things like that. I don't even care if its true. I just care that he accused me of "creating my own problems," when I spend every day for the last five and a half years cutting myself and willing to cut deep enough to end it all. And he doesn't even know. No one caught on until I chose to tell them. Remind me again why I wasn't good at drama?
Thank God I'm outta here next year.
I'm back
This time, for good.
I have been using tumblr for a while, with a blog on there. But my best friend saw and read that blog - not that I have a problem with that, she knows everything as an eating disorder herself. But she has said - numerous times - how much I trigger her, and that she tried to get better and I triggered her again. I don't want to trigger her again, so I'm working to not.
Regarding all of my previous posts, please excuse all of that. I was young, and referring to 'ana' was a way that I dealt with everything. In a way, it still is. Putting a face to the feelings, in a sense. I was never trying to lament this disease, it was just my way of coping. I was young, immature and didn't know what
I currently weigh 67.9kg. That's not bad, considering I've been on the verge of 70kg for the last couple of weeks. I'm mid exams right now, and I have to eat so that I don't fail my end of year exams. I have an exam tomorrow morning, and after that, I'm fasting all weekend until my next exam on Monday morning.
I want to be 50kg by Christmas when my family is coming over, where I full-well know that I will gain at least 5kg around them, so I want to be as low as I can be before then. I know that 50kg is a long shot from here, but with restrictions and fasting, I think I can do it. Once I can get to a supermarket, I'm going to buy the exact same foods that I used to eat, when I was at my sickest. The same things that I ate earlier on in this blog, whilst appearing 'normal' to my family. I'd have liquid calories in the morning, and sub 200 for dinner.
My mind is such a mess right now. Which sucks, because I have an English exam tomorrow. I'm good at English, I like English. I need to get my thoughts together before then, or I'm never going to make it.
This morning I ate:
1 wrap with cheese, salad and quinoa.
Garlic bread
1.5cups of fries.
Hot chocolate.
I'm not going to have anything until tomorrow morning, where I will probably have oatmeal and a hot chocolate. I might have another hot chocolate tonight though (45calories.) I'm not strong enough to get straight back into fasting, but I'm going to try. Two day fast after tomorrow.
I have been using tumblr for a while, with a blog on there. But my best friend saw and read that blog - not that I have a problem with that, she knows everything as an eating disorder herself. But she has said - numerous times - how much I trigger her, and that she tried to get better and I triggered her again. I don't want to trigger her again, so I'm working to not.
Regarding all of my previous posts, please excuse all of that. I was young, and referring to 'ana' was a way that I dealt with everything. In a way, it still is. Putting a face to the feelings, in a sense. I was never trying to lament this disease, it was just my way of coping. I was young, immature and didn't know what
I currently weigh 67.9kg. That's not bad, considering I've been on the verge of 70kg for the last couple of weeks. I'm mid exams right now, and I have to eat so that I don't fail my end of year exams. I have an exam tomorrow morning, and after that, I'm fasting all weekend until my next exam on Monday morning.
I want to be 50kg by Christmas when my family is coming over, where I full-well know that I will gain at least 5kg around them, so I want to be as low as I can be before then. I know that 50kg is a long shot from here, but with restrictions and fasting, I think I can do it. Once I can get to a supermarket, I'm going to buy the exact same foods that I used to eat, when I was at my sickest. The same things that I ate earlier on in this blog, whilst appearing 'normal' to my family. I'd have liquid calories in the morning, and sub 200 for dinner.
My mind is such a mess right now. Which sucks, because I have an English exam tomorrow. I'm good at English, I like English. I need to get my thoughts together before then, or I'm never going to make it.
This morning I ate:
1 wrap with cheese, salad and quinoa.
Garlic bread
1.5cups of fries.
Hot chocolate.
I'm not going to have anything until tomorrow morning, where I will probably have oatmeal and a hot chocolate. I might have another hot chocolate tonight though (45calories.) I'm not strong enough to get straight back into fasting, but I'm going to try. Two day fast after tomorrow.
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