I'm back

This time, for good.
I have been using tumblr for a while, with a blog on there. But my best friend saw and read that blog - not that I have a problem with that, she knows everything as an eating disorder herself. But she has said - numerous times - how much I trigger her, and that she tried to get better and I triggered her again. I don't want to trigger her again, so I'm working to not.

Regarding all of my previous posts, please excuse all of that. I was young, and referring to 'ana' was a way that I dealt with everything. In a way, it still is. Putting a face to the feelings, in a sense. I was never trying to lament this disease, it was just my way of coping. I was young, immature and didn't know what

I currently weigh 67.9kg. That's not bad, considering I've been on the verge of 70kg for the last couple of weeks. I'm mid exams right now, and I have to eat so that I don't fail my end of year exams. I have an exam tomorrow morning, and after that, I'm fasting all weekend until my next exam on Monday morning.

I want to be 50kg by Christmas when my family is coming over, where I full-well know that I will gain at least 5kg around them, so I want to be as low as I can be before then. I know that 50kg is a long shot from here, but with restrictions and fasting, I think I can do it. Once I can get to a supermarket, I'm going to buy the exact same foods that I used to eat, when I was at my sickest. The same things that I ate earlier on in this blog, whilst appearing 'normal' to my family. I'd have liquid calories in the morning, and sub 200 for dinner.
My mind is such a mess right now. Which sucks, because I have an English exam tomorrow. I'm good at English, I like English. I need to get my thoughts together before then, or I'm never going to make it.

This morning I ate:
1 wrap with cheese, salad and quinoa.
Garlic bread
1.5cups of fries.
Hot chocolate.

I'm not going to have anything until tomorrow morning, where I will probably have oatmeal and a hot chocolate. I might have another hot chocolate tonight though (45calories.) I'm not strong enough to get straight back into fasting, but I'm going to try. Two day fast after tomorrow.