I hate this disease

So, once again stuck between the world I know is right and the world that is Ana.
My parents confronted me AGAIN today about not eating, and how "thin" and "gaunt" I look, and how spmething must be wrong because I have a sore throat and am sick. I genuinly am sick. My throat hurts like a bitch. And, I've left dishes around the house to give the visual idea that I'm eating, and I ate a lot last night (chocolate and ice cream too, just so I didn't blow my cover) and, because I have a cold, there must be something wrong. I hate living at home sometimes.
The thing that is often misconcieved is that anorexics are depressed. Yeah, I had depression, but that was, (an always will be) a seprate issue to this.
I either eat and make them happy, or starve and make me happy. And I am happier then I have been in a while, as my waistline is shrinking. And that's what they don't understand. If i had a dollar for every time my dad asked me lately f I was being bullied, or if "everything is ok" and "noone is giving me trouble," I would be quite rich right mow. The truth of the mater is, I have never been bullied in my life, i promise.
Ad it's all because one of my friends said that I was being bulled to cover her own ass for a prank, that now my parents think I'm being bullied. For fucks sake.

I was planning to do a 4 and a bit day fast, and not eat until 12pm Saturday (started 8pm Monday) and it is now 8:48pm tuesday. I had coke zero, water and an up and go today, so my first day is completed. And I will definatly go until tomorrow, but. Don't know if I should drag this out for 4 days and worry my parents, or just have the 2 days and worry myself. I just don't know. Well, I know what I want to so, I just don't know what is right for everyone else. So, a big long prayer is needed tonight, to try an sort this out. Because, just as everything was becomming clearer; I'm totally lost again. And I don't know what to doo. What's best for me, or what's best for everyone aroun me. It's truethat sometimes you have to put yourself before others; but where is the line in that? When does it ever become clear? I really want to do this 4 day fast, and I think that I'm going to try and sleep this cold off tonight, go to school tomorrow (packing a big lunch, infront of my mum-to be disposed of of course) and then go tal to my neoghbour about babysitting at about 5pm, and say I fed the kids there. However, that could really backfire on me, if my parents went to go ask, or because I have a sneaking suspicion that mum is going to bring me home a huge calorie loaded meal, to eat for dinner. And I'm scare that they are going to force me to eat meat again, if they figure out that I only stopped eating it becausenof all the fat contents in meat. So much could go wrong, there's not a decision to be made that can not end with someone hurt. And; the other thing? I know I can't "cure" myself of this alone. It does lot work like that. If I decide to please my parents, shits going to hit the fan when I can't control my hatred for myself, and lash out on them, potentially.

Whattodo?whattodo? Wish me luck. I need to sort this out with the Lord, see where he stands. Hmm. Love to all.