Right. Turns out, I was just running away. Like fucking always, I was running away. and it's time to stop. I can't keep running as soon as something gets a little bit tough, and so I am back.
Heres the post I made on my other 'new' website, that I am no longer going to use :L
The red bracelet is back on my wrist, showing that ana is back, and is back forever. Never ever leave my side Ana. With your help, I will be 55kgs by Friday. With Ana and the Lord by my side, I cannot fail. I need you Lord and Ana. I cannot live without you by my side, and I know that now. I was wrong to ever think that you would ever try and hurt me.
Lord, I do not need the things of this world, only you. I don't need the food, the drinks, the calories, as long as I have you by my side. You are all that I need in this world, you are all that I have ever needed. I don't need to eat. Weak girls eat, fat people eat. I hate being fat.
I was meant to be fasting today, but was (quite literally) force fed a muffin this morning. And will be forced to have dinner tonight, but thats alright. Because tomorrow, its a big fast.
Water fasting all morning, until 4pm, then meant to be going to a friends house, and going to the dairy and stuff, so will bring just enough money for me to buy a Coke Zero. Then, when I come home, will say that I have already eaten, and so will not be made to eat anything. Then, waterfasting all Tuesday, until 4pm again, and then allowed a coffee or a lol cal drink of some sort, before netball training. Then, try to get out of dinner on Tuesday night, by saying how its too late to eat after netball, and having a long shower and taking ages to get ready for bed, to make it even later. That would make it a 2day fast. Then, no eating all of Wednesday again, until dinner where I would have run out of excuses not to eat dinner (hahaha, shit happens, doesn't it?) And, if I excersize and limit myself on the calorie drinks, and the food I eat on wednesday, I should finally beat the plateau and be under 60kgs. Then, on Thursday, no food again, and seeing that it is the last day of school, probably go out and do something with friends after school, where I must not buy any food, or any high calorie drinks, and again, will say that I had dinner with my friends. Then, Friday we are leaving, and won't eat anything all day, and (fingers crossed) be 55kgs by the time that I leave for the airport.
And If I'm not, I don't know what i will do. I'm sick of being fat and I'm sick of all of the binging. So, if I'm not 55kgs by Friday, I know I will end up doing something dramatic. Whether that be binging like a motherfucker, or doing somethiing way more dramatic and not in the form of eating, if you get my drift, then so be it. And I can't let myself down this time. I can't and I won't. This time, I refuse. I refuse I refuse I refuse.
Until next time, ana love.
Starve on skinnyminny xxxxxxxxxx
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