Wow.

Haven't posted anything in ages. Whoops.
Not been great lately. Fucked both of my ankles to the max. I can't even walk, let alone work out. It's been like this for like two weeks. Rage.
And I am trying to be under 60kgs by Saturday. Infact, I will be. Or the shit will hit the fan.

I have a netball tournament on saturday, and I am the only player who can play, and i can barley walk. Fuck.
And, going food shopping for my history trip aswell. (trips on tuesday) and everyones going to catch on if i don't get shit loads of lollies and chocolates and shit food that will eat away at me until i die of obeasity.
So, planning to buy some food, but not eat it. To give it away and chuck it out and leave it all in my bag, until i get home where I can dispose of it completly. I don't care how much money it costs me to loose, i just don't care. I don't want any of that food to touch my lips. None of it.
I hate this. I hate this confusion and I hate being fat. Why can't I just be thin. Babes, you will be. Ana will never let you down, Ana will never hurt you like food does. And, if you can't trust that, you know with all of your heart, that the Lord will never, ever let you down. With all of your heart, trust that. Trust Him. Show him your love, and He will never let you fall. The Lord is what I need. With him by my side, I can't fail.
I know this. I know I can trust the Lord and I know that I can trust Ana. But who I can't trust, is me. I'm the one shoving the food down my throat, I'm the one constantly hurting myself, both phisically and emotionally. And I don't know if I can trust myself to get it right after all these years of getting it wrong. I simply just, don't know.