Hello my lovelys (:

Been just over a month since I've last posted, yeah, sorry.
Been going alright lately, had my ups and downs a lot, and spent a lot of time questioning the values of ana, and trying to recover from this disease.
But, it's not something that I can do by myself, and after a few days of eating normally again, I realise how much I cannot do this alone, but more importantly, how much I really need and love ana.
This disease tears you apart, literally, and it makes you question the valuablity of your life, I'm not even joking.
So many times, I have tried to escape this, but I really cannot do this alone. And, I don't even want to. The need to be thin is, and has always been, greater than anything else. And, I'm don't want to sacrifice this. Ever.

I'm also recently vegetarian, and I'm stoked about it. Been about two weeks so far, and I love it so much. It was meant for a way to loose weight and stuff, but has turned into so so so much more. It's like, a new obsession kinda. I mean, its hard sometimes, having to cook my own meals all the time and stuff, but that way, I control everything that goes into it, the calories, the fat, everything. And it's control that I control, and utimatly love.

Doing a 5km run with my Mum on Saturday, for mothers day, cause running is her new like, obsession now that she's stopped drinking. And, I'm kind of nervous about it, because I don't want my mom to outrun me, so I am going to run my ass off, and go as hard as I physically can.
I've also started up netball again which is good, although I have been binging before netball to give me that confidence to play well, but, it always seem to backfire on me, and I don't play well.
Am fasting atm, at least 24 hours, but am allowed a little bit before netball IF NEED BE tomorrow.
Had a coke zero today (1.8calorie) and am allowed one hot chocolate tonight (45calories) and then an up and go and powerade for netball tomorrow, and a coke zero too if I want :) so that I have enough calories in me to do my job at netball, and play outstoundingly. Hopefully anyway.

Just ran 7km on the cross trainer in practise for Sunday, about to go run at least 5km more.

Truth is, I missed blogging, and I'm excited to be back blogworld. Where I can bear my soul to no one in particular, and not have to worry about people running away when I tell them everything that I feel, which is like, my ultimate fear in life. Ever since I was a kid, I've always had huge trust issues, but when I'm blogging, I don't care if anyone reads, but if they do, they wouldn't know who I was. And, in a way, it's like I'm telling the whole world about my anorexia and everything else, but then, at the same time, I am telling noone. And I love that.

I'm off to run now. Will definatly blog again soon my babes. Ana LOVE