Saturday, May 29, 2010

I'm doomed.

So, i'm still on my liquid fast, still only had a hot chocolate.
And I'm in deep trouble.
I was upstairs sitting with mum, when she randomly asks me "how much weight i've lost' I said none, I have the scales with me, and i haven't lost anything.
then she goes 'you've lost a lot of weight, and its not good'
i told her i hadn't, but she just ignored me and went back to reading.
Well, what the fuck, seriously. They don't even notice when i loose 10kgs, which i did a while earlier, but when i loose 4kgs in one week, i all of a sudden cause the biggest fuss.
And now i'm fucked. I don't know where to go from here, I can't stop ana, just when I'm loosing again. I don't want to eat, I've come to hate eating again, and i CAN'T put on any more weight.
I don't know what to do, and now i'm just fucked.
Lord, please help me get through this. I need Your strength and help to get through this without hurting my family, but I don't want to risk hurting myself by putting on more weight either. I don't know where to go from here.

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