Hah, guess I didn't fuck up that much last night after all.

Aside from getting insanely annoyed at an immature drunk girl who blamed "only eating lunch today" for getting so drunk off two RTD's, when I hadn't eaten in two days and was fine all night, and you ignoring me completely, last night was a good night. Our carol stirred up a lot of shit and I got people coming up to me all night saying how "cute" we are and how they "knew we'd get together." Oops. I even (I have no idea why) had the audacity to send you a text apologising for it, to which I get an "algood." Bastard. And you'd rather run around naked with a bunch of boys then sit down and talk to me and try to figure shit out. For some reason, I really actually believed that we could sort it out last night and be friends. I guess it doesn't help that I had a dream that we burried the hatches and decided to start over again. Whatever. I'll have you know that last night I went for a walk and a cigarette, ended up meeting a cute guy and making out with him all night. And whilst we were sitting outside the hostel, the girl you like rolled in from another boys flat, and at that moment I didn't actually hate her because I was too busy being stoked that you were sleeping alone tonight whilst we were both out with other boys. Sorry man. You know, I've had a few one night things in my time, and the only time it hurt to say goodbye was with you. Foodwise, last night was crap and I'm eating again today (b/c hopefully will get someone to drink with me ugh). Ended up eating: corn beef w/ salad vegetables, brocolli and turkey oreo cheesecake. I think I purged some of it but I don't really remember. Funnily enough, also, O last night, the person I drunkingly confided about my ed to, asked me if I'd eaten today. I was like, uh, hello, were you at the same feast dinner as me, or..? Idiot. And now she wants nothing to do with me, like, ever, because of my ed, because I got out of hand last weekend. Comparatively, I was on good behaviour last night (ok, besides hooking up with a random), and still, no matter what I do I'll never be able to get things back to the way she saw me before. That fucking sucks and I think it's pretty damned selfish on her behalf. The only reason I told her was because I purged blood again that night, and because I was so drunk it freaked me out even more, and I didn't know what to do, so I asked for help. Whatever, if you're going to be like that, man, see if I care. It's not my fault. So yeah, time to do some study in the library, grab some food, go back home, eat, study and start my fast. I don't know what I'm doing tonight but for some reason I'm in a very confrontational mood right now, which is very unlike me. All I want to do is talk to you and ask you straight out why you're being such an asshole to me. Who knows, maybe I'll find out tonight, maybe not. Annoyingly, a part of me still likes you and wants to be with you. If I could, I would kill that part in the most brutal way humanly possible, because I didn't think it was possible, but somehow you managed to break my heart. So congradufuckinglations, I hope you're happy with yourself.