Ugh.

Woke up at 5am this morning to a friend texting me in tears about the boy she likes not liking her back. Preaching to the choir. Couldn't get back to sleep after that, and once I put the thought of weighing myself into my head last night, I couldn't get it out. So I weighed myself and... 65.0kg of pure and utter fat. Ew. By now it was close to 6am, so I went for a walk and a cigarette which turned into a little run. I use the words "little" and "run" lightly because I am not a runner. Hell, I'm not a mover. I decided to switch around my intake for today, opting for my 208calorie chocolate milk to wake me up now, rather than as a reward later. Also had a black coffee, and oop, was in the library again by 8:30am. Planning to miss some of my lectures that aren't important and hibernate in the library until 2pm when I have a lecture that I should really go too, then I have to walk down to the mall to pick up a secret Santa present for mid winter Christmas tomorrow night. With any luck, I won't buy any food because I'm broke as fuck at this point, but I guess we'll see how that goes. Then a little rest and clean my room, then I plan on coming back to the library at around 5pm, staying untl 8pm, going home, fucking around, sleeping, and getting ready to do it all again tomorrow. Ugh cannot believe I let myself gain this much, and with exams coming up in two weeks time, and me going "home" in three weeks, I know I'll have to eat. Planning on buying a box of cereal and some salads or something to get me through exams alright, but I guess I'll have to wait and see how that turns out. Alls I know is that if I gain anymore than this, I'm fucked, and after a days worth of fasting, my stomach is kinda growling about it. Good thing I brought some appetite suppressents with me to try and combat that. At 180cm, 65kg puts me at a "healthy" BMI of 19. "Healthy." "Normal." It's not healthy to be this fat. I'd die to be thin. I will die to be thin