And I don't know why. If someone was to hug me right now, I would break down in their arms. But I only want him. He's controlling my mind right now, and I don't know why.
Had a family dinner tonight and it was shit, wish I never went, not that I had a choice.
Today has been a really fucking bad eating day, and I know tomorrow will be too. Right up until.. new years, I won't have a chance to fast, and I'm so fucking pissed off. I'm going to stop eating right at new years. Might even stop drinking, too. Fuck everything with calories. Fuck hating myself this much. If I was thin, he would be mine, I know it.
I don't even know what I'm saying right now. I'm drunk and depressed, sorry.
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