Think I've put on more weight again. I was 63kgs, but binged on some chips and cookies and dinner tonight, even after a really good day of excersizing, netball trials for 2hours, then walking round the mall for three hours, with only a 239 calorie powerade in me. But, life goes on right? Theres always tomorrow to loose more.
Wanna know something funny? I asked my parents if they thought I had lost any weight, and they said no. WHAT THE FUCK. My pants feel obvioulsly looser, my tops cling less, and I have been genuinly feeling a little better about myself, with all the weight I've lost. But, no. Apparently its not enough. Its never enough man.
Its my sisters leaving party tomorrow. Going to try not to eat anything, just its going to be hard to avoid the alcohol. FOR FUCKS SAKE.
But, if im not forced to do it, I'll probably eat and drink just out of fucking depression. I can't believe shes leaving. shes truley the only one that understands me and everything ive been through - minus being aware of my eating disorder LOL
but i can't believe shes gone. I have to do her proud and make sure I look really good when I see her next :D
Im going to be under 60kgs by next saturday, thaats my goal. So that means loosing anything between 5 and 3 kgs next week. Sounds dooable.
Sweetas.
Well, Im going to go and drown myself in my fat sorrows, and brush my teethh to stop me from putting more food down my fat gob. I am thoroughly useless at life in general. Kcool.
Think thin. Hope tomorrow will be better <3
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