To make sense of last nights mess:

Yes, last night I was a bit of an emotional wreck..
After allowing myself dinner, instead of the opportunity for a 48hour fast, I did not stop eating. And then came the crying, and the cutting. And the drama. And the situps ;)
But, I'm fine now, and I have a new plan.

I am no longer eating during the day. Ever. Unless I absolutly have to, i.e, out with friends/family, going to netball etc.
But, before netball, I can have something (obviously) as long as I know how many calories are in it. I can have my weetbix, up and go's, yougurts etc. But only if i have to.
Then, religious fasting every Friday, for the day and night at least, longer if possible. Religious fasting is when I do not eat, i can either have liquids only, or water only, and I pray. A lot. They are designed to bring me closer to God, and for me to pray when I'm truley feeling weak.
And no more smoking cigerettes. It's not cute, especially for me to start so young.

So, I have had nothing but water, and 2 sips of lift today, going to have dinner in about an hour, and then nothing. And I'm excited for this, because I know that I can do this. I am going to be so skinny for the history trip. And for life. Im ready for this. And I'm excited. I know that I can do this. I think that the tears and the breakdowns are behind me, and I'm starting this with a positive attitude.
And hopefully, getting a cross trainer on Saturday. Well, looking at hiring one anyway, which is a start.

I know I was a mess last night, but I meant everything that I said. I think it sucks how some people just don't care, whilst I, and many others, are not able to eat anything without regreting it. But, I'm ok with that now. God has given me a chance for eternal happiness, and for what I have always wanted. And I'm not going to let that slip.
I will die to be thin. Wait, no. To die would defeat the puropse. I will be skinny, and I will be happy. LOVESIT ;)