I fainted this morning. Yup, even after a little dinner last night. I fainted. All I remember was getting up to go to the bathroom this morning, and then I just blacked out, and all i remember is smashing my head on the wall, and falling onto the floor. Then I woke up with my mum above me, freaking out.
She gave me a lecture about eating, and how she doesn't want to see me skelatal.
And I don't want to hurt her. But I'll die to be thin.
So I ate normal today, but did heaps of running up the hill in my backyard. Just had 2 and a bit servings of fried rice, to make it look like i was eating. And i know, even though i didn't binge, Im going to put on weight tomorrow, from eating normally for one day.
But, tomorrow, back to the plan. I don't care if i faint a million times. I will die to be thin.
So, just my bottle of cold water in the morning, and nothing throughout the day, and 45g of weetbix when I get home from school. Thats it. Nothing else, except water, no exception. Im not going to put on more weight. You should have seen me when I came home from school today, and for the first time all year, I ate. I despised myself, until I did enough excersize to work most of it off. I don't want to hate myself. I just want to not eat, and excersize my fat ass off, and get thin.
I think we are going looking at cross trainers on saturday. Im honestly pushing it for all its worth. I need it. I need marathon workouts. Im already anticipating the high. And then I can eat more normally around mum, because I can work it all off and more.
Deficet in calories every day. Waking up every morning, with a loss.
I need this.
Please Lord xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment