I hate food, first of all.
I hate how ana controls my life, and how I can't eat anything without hating myself. I hate that I feel like im rebeling, or breaking free from ana, when i eat. But, i only ever end up hurting myself. Im feeling like that now "oh, you were good today, why don't you treat yourself to some food"
I hate that I can never just eat a little. its either all or nothing. I hate how I cant just be normal. I cant just be happy with the way that I look. I starve, i cut, i take drugs, anything, to try and change who I am. I hate all the tears, and all of the pain that i feel, because i feel so huge, like, all of the time. I hate that every time something starts to go right, i start loosing weight, I do something to muck it all up. I hate the lies, the tears and the pain. And i'm stopping it. Right now.
I have to think this, and plan this out, but ive got a plan. Post it later
No comments:
Post a Comment